I'm working on a research paper this year as part of my life prayer. I'm doing it for a variety of reasons; one it's to better understand an emotion that has played a major part of my life and that of my family; another is simply the process of researching, testing for a result and then writing a paper; and finally it's a great subject to engage people with. I have experienced some inspiring conversations simply by explaining to friends and strangers that I am doing this. I have recruited a committee and I have established a deadline of November 1st. Just in time for the holidays, and hopefully I will have a lot of content to discuss.
Oh, and I'm woefully behind.
Chronic anger describes an ongoing ‘underlying’ form of anger, often caused by a generalized resentment of life and of other people. Alternatively this can be caused by anger directed at the self. Such prolonged anger is highly unhealthy and puts stress on the immune system and is closely linked to depression and other mood disorders.
I could add judgmental anger as well, so maybe for this exercise I can use chronic judgmental anger as my baseline definition. That sounds soooo appealing doesn't it?
Since I began this project I have tried to be more mindful of my anger. Recognize it, face it, then for me, turn it over to God to deal with. I skipped an important part though. Understanding why I can be chronically full of judgmental anger. I still don't know the underlining reasons of why that is a quick reaction I have to things that upset me. Like when someone cuts me off, or when people aren't doing the things I need them to do on my timeline. Or why I get rejected from this person, or that one. I do however feel like my anger is lower when I grab a hold of it immediately and question it.
My hope is that intense exercise will continue to break down what seems to be instinctual.
Being behind on the schedule of my paper has added a little bit of stress, but thankfully no additional anger. This process should be fun and it is. It begs the question...How much of my reduced anger is from a positive work experience and environment? Because as I shared before, work is going pretty well. I'm more grateful for the things I have and have done.
I do have quite a few questions that I hope will be answered as I continue on this journey. Hopefully by the end of the year I will have learned a great deal about myself, others and how we process a whole lot of things.
Check back in this space for more on this topic. Thanks!